Saturday, 7 September 2013

How NOT to apply stick on/glue on nails

Now normally on Beauty Blogs you are able to access a full range of "How To" tutorials, recommendations of fantastic products and tips and tricks how to make the most of your beauty collection.

This is NOT one of these posts.

For the last few weeks a few of the super glam girls at work have been rocking stick on nails. As much as I love make-up and beauty, in my day-to-day life I can be a bit lax and although I always have polished nails and a slick of lippy I don't pay as much attention as I probably could do.

Just to give you a bit of background, I've always been slightly nervy of stick on nails. When I was 13 my friend Katie and I would buy those horrific 99p glue on nails you'd get in cheapy shops. We'd struggle to get them on and then try and paint them and it'd always end up a mess. Then I'd somehow get glue on my face and glue my eyes shut. This is pretty much the same scenario if I try and put false eyelashes on now.

So, the ease of these stick on nails really appealed to me. I haven't got a steady hand do nail art and sometimes the same old colours can get a bit boring (though I'm constantly buying nail polish so should be able to mix it up a bit!)

So last night I was in Asda with Mr Candy and I spotted this press on manicure in pink, glittery zebra print. I'd like to think if unicorns existed they would have exotic pink, glittery unizebra cousins but that's beside the point.

They were £7.98 (weird price right?) and claim to last a week.

I purchased them and thought, this couldn't be too hard? Right?


Broadway Nails - Impress - Medium Length - £7.98 Asda
To be honest I don't think it's the product's fault. They seem very well made, were initially quite simple to apply. It was more my complete uselessness that made it go wrong. Here is a list of the mistakes I made.

Mistake Number 1 
Getting Too Bloody Excited 

Squee! I'm going to have beautiful nails..
I'm a normal person. I see pink, I see glitter and it all becomes a bit of a haze. The minute we got home I HAD to put them on. Not unload the groceries, not check on the dog, nope! I had to put these little babies on straightaway.

Mistake Number 2 
Guesstimating the Size

So the pack comes with 24 nails in 12 different sizes. What I SHOULD have done is sat down, at the dining room table or in my office and laid them all out. Sized them against my fingers and selected the most accurate ones. Then when I was happy, wash my hands and dry them as directed, use the enclosed "Prep Pad" and then carefully put them on. I just pulled them out the packet and willy nilly started sticking them on which led to mistake number 3.....

Mistake Number 3
Down Means Up and Up Means Down

I stuck the bloody things on upside down! I painstakingly stuck every sucker on and then read the packaging and realised that I'd fit the cuticle end to my tips. Cue facepalm where I poked myself in the eye as they were talon like at this point.

Mistake Number 4
"Ahhh, I'll trim them in the morning"

Let me fend off those wild beasties for you..

As previously mentioned these are medium length. It truly felt like a mix between being an eagle and on the cast of TOWIE. If they made fingertip knives to fend off wild creatures these would do very well. Basically by the time I had corrected my mistake it was late and couldn't find the scissors. I went to bed and three pinged off, not after Mr Candy told me to quite firmly to "keep away" with my "vile talons"

Mistake Number 5
Improper Equipment

Beautifully Butchered
So Saturday morning I woke up. Reapplied the three I lost with two amazing matches and one horrific index finger choice. I have apparently got very strange index fingers because I think I ended up with a thumb one. I then proceeded to hunt high and low for nail scissors and a nail file. 

I found the nail file easily enough but the scissors were nowhere to be seen. I had a driving lesson fast approaching and I didn't think the talon length was going to help. I needed to chop them. So trusty kitchen scissors to the rescue which then resulted in car crash hands. They looked AWFUL. I filed them as best I could but they were beyond saving.

Mistake Number 6
Believing The Box
Missing - One index finger nail. Last seen in a driving instructor's crotch area
Half way round a busy roundabout, whilst whacking on the indicator on my lesson my index nail pinged off into my driving instructors lap. It was a really awkward moment and then a seagull flew into the front window. It was ok but I do wonder if the shininess of the nails temporarily blinded him.

I felt after this I couldn't ask to delve my hand into his crotch area in an attempt to reapply it. They had done too much damage already.

So, in conclusion, as a product I think they are great. Knowing what I know now I'd be tempted to give them another go but take the time and attention that they deserved and also understand their limitations.

That and I've now purchased some new nail scissors, just in case. 

I am now minus one index nail and my right hand looks like my manicurist has been taking lessons on cutting out from a four year old with safety scissors. However after paying £7.98 I refuse to remove the others until a full week, purely on principal......

Till Next Time (where I'll still be wearing these!)